When did you get engaged, and who proposed to whom?
Sam: I proposed to Laura on a trip to Cannon Beach, Oregon in August 2012.
Laura: It was an incredible summer trip. We started in Seattle, then drove to Cannon Beach, through wine country and ended up in Portland. Sam surprised me with a bonfire on the beach while we were staying at the beautiful Stephanie Inn. She pulled out her laptop and I got so pissed, but she insisted she had to show me something.
Sam: It was an animated short about our relationship that ended with me asking her to marry me.
Laura: I said, “Are you fu**ing kidding me?” again and again and then I said yes and basically chugged a bottle of wine. Sam is very Type A, so she had rings ready for both of us. We threw a big engagement party at a bar in Brooklyn in December of that year, where we showed everyone the engagement video, including my reaction. Sam had set up her tripod to take a photo, and I didn’t realize she was recording the whole thing.
Laura & Sam on Their Wedding Day (Photo by Heather Waraksa)
Where did you get married and when? Please describe what this experience was like and what it meant to you.
Laura: We got married on September 7th 2013 at Cedar Lakes weekend of our lives would be an understatement.
Sam: The venue felt like adult summer camp, but with incredible food, gorgeous views, and the absolute best staff ever. We could go on and on about how much we love Cedar Lakes and the incredible sisters behind it. We invited our friends and family to spend the weekend with us. We had mountaintop toasts in a big circle where everyone wore white. We roasted marshmallows and watched “Wet Hot American Summer” on the lakefront. We played Kegs & Kickball the morning of our wedding. We walked down the aisle simultaneously, from either side, and wrote our own vows. We danced until the sun came up, and we even ziplined into the lake wearing wedding dresses.
Laura: Marriage equality was law in New York, but it wasn’t nationwide yet, but we weren’t going to let anything stop us from throwing a huge lovefest. I wore a custom emerald green gown, and Sam wore blush pink Vera Wang.
Honeymoon in Cambodia (Photo courtesy of The Abby Family)
Where did you go on your honeymoon, and why did you choose that particular destination?
Laura: We wanted our honeymoon to be an epic adventure. Something once-in-a-lifetime, so we traveled to Vietnam, Thailand and Cambodia for nearly three weeks. Initially, we decided that we wouldn’t say we were on our honeymoon. We didn’t know the cultural customs and didn’t want to put ourselves in any danger or awkward situations (you get used to those when you travel as a same-sex couple), but somewhere along the way our travel agent outed us, and suddenly every hotel had rose petals on the bed, sparkling wine on the table, chocolates…this added romance that so many couples get to take for granted. I am so, so happy that we didn’t miss out on that special sparkle.
Sam: It’s impossible to say which part of our honeymoon we loved the most.
Laura: I don’t think I’ll ever recover from the beauty of Ha Long Bay in Vietnam, or the street food at the markets in Bangkok, or the elephant camp in Chiang Rai…
Sam: Or the temples in Cambodia. It was an adventure I only ever wanted to take with her and I’ll cherish the memories forever.
Celebrating Pride (Photo courtesy of The Abby Family)
Please describe what it means to be a same-sex couple raising a family together? What are some of the challenges you have faced, and the joys you have experienced?
Laura: When it’s just the two of you it’s easy to turn your relationship off when you feel you need to. When you have kids you have a decision to make, and ours was to prioritize our family and never, ever make our children feel ashamed of their family. That takes work. Yes, it means celebrating Pride month every June, but it also means engaging in important conversations and being proud of our family 24/7, 365 days a year.
Sam: We chose to use an anonymous sperm donor and we both conceived via IVF, so that was a huge financial expense. We had no healthcare coverage whatsoever for fertility, so everything was out of pocket. Once both of our boys were born, even though both of our names are on their birth certificates, we also did second parent adoption to ensure that our family is 100% legally protected. That was another big expense, but the toughest part was that we each had to sign away our rights to our biological children, then adopt them back. We had to be fingerprinted. A social worker had to come to our home. These are the hurdles same-sex couples have to jump through.
Laura: We have been extremely fortunate in that we have friends with kids who are also same-sex couples. I never ever expected my six-year-old to be running around with buddies that also have two moms, and the fact that this is completely normal for him is a dream come true.
Do people you meet, and your followers on social media, think of you as role models?
Laura: Oh my goodness, that is tough to answer. I know I don’t always act like a role model…but I do try to be really real. I’m all about the good, the bad, and the ugly. I’m out and loud and proud and I know that’s gotta be so annoying, even for my wife, but there are too many people in the LGBTQ+ community that do not get to have a voice, that do not get to live out loud, so I’m here to show them what’s possible. And I truly love when we hear from people who have followed our relationship and tell us we’ve helped them or inspired them in some way. A woman once followed Sam into the bathroom to tell her that our relationship helped her come out to her family. I think our toddler was going potty, ha, but it feels really good to hear that, to know that sharing our story has an impact.
Family Vacation in Orlando (Photo by Melissa Alexander)
Where is the best place you have traveled to as a family, and what did you experience while you were there?
Laura: Our recent trip to Orlando in May was such a blast. We were honestly surprised by how much there was to do, and how welcome we felt as a family. We stayed at the Four Seasons Resort Orlando at Walt Disney World® Resort and not only was the location perfect and accessible to everything, but the hospitality at Four Seasons is unmatched. Our accommodations were both luxurious and welcoming, and we couldn’t have chosen a better place to stay while traveling with our kids. Our boys really love to swim and we got to take them to Island H2O Live! water park, where they rode water slides and floated in the lazy river. It was nice to get out and explore Orlando and see how welcoming the city is to LGBTQ+ families like ours. We’re always a little on edge when we travel, and we were treated with nothing but warmth and welcome.
What travel destinations are on the top of your must-visit list and why?
Sam: My mom wanted to go on a family trip on safari in Africa, but she died before she got the chance. It’s something I hope to do with Laura and our boys someday.
Laura: When I thought about becoming a mom I was really excited to take my boys on some of the trips I got to take with my family when I was a kid. We went on ski trips each year, and my oldest has been in ski school for a few seasons now. Skiing down a hill with him last winter was surreal, and I cannot wait to take the boys out west. I also visited many of our country’s national parks with my parents and siblings when I was young. We even hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I’m really looking forward to taking my boys on big hiking adventures, especially to Zion National Park in Utah. I love a good climb that leads to breathtaking views, and I want to share these experiences with them. Sam and I haven’t been on a real trip just the two of us since before we had kids, so I’m often daydreaming about international adventures with her. but right now we’re just two tired moms, so we’d settle for a few days on a beach or enjoying some sunshine, so we’re looking forward to going back to Orlando!
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